Taffy Chewing on the Regular Train

Please, for the love of all things Holy, STOP. SMACKING. YOUR. TAFFY. (Or whatever fruity-smelling candy is causing your mouth to make that horribly irritating noise)

A Magical Late EXPRESS Train

Kids, I'm on the late train tonight. I fully expected to be on the 8:40 p.m. local train that would put my home arrival time at around 10 p.m. 

Well, some unfortunate souls earlier tonight had to deal with an equipment failure (a blown engine, info courtesy of my favorite Metra Police Officer) on the 7:40 p.m. local. 

So...They. added. an. EXPRESS. TRAIN. It leaves at 8:35 p.m. First stop? This girl's home station! I'll be home around 9:15 p.m. 🚊👍😃

You did something right, Metra.

A Full Dinner with Real Dishes on the Quiet Car

Folks, I get it. It's 6:30. It's been a long day. People get hungry. You have a snack or even a sandwich, a quick meal.

But how many of you would have a full, proper dinner on the train, using real plates and flatware instead of the Tupperware we all know and love? How many of you would slurp soup and clang your spoon in your glass bowl? Well, some lady on my train car, obviously...

I am certain my own hunger is making this seem horrible only to me. Surely it's not as irritating to the others, right?

FaceTime on the Summer Train

There is a woman on FaceTime with her husband and kid. No earbuds. Loud talking. For reelz.

You guys, you know me. I give kudos to the tourists who take public transit. Way to be frugal, people. But, listen up tourists taking up space on my bus and train: please follow these simple rules for CTA and Metra travel:

1. Don't freak out because you think you're on the wrong bus or because you think the bus driver missed your stop. I know this is hard to believe, but the bus driver actually knows where he or she is going. The Union Station stop on the 151 bus DOES go past what you think is Union Station. That's one of at least eight entrances I can think of. The station takes up a couple city blocks, and that's just on the surface. 

2. Move to the back of the bus to get off. People can only get on at the front. You're blocking them when you think you should get off through the same door you get on. There are two doors for that very reason.

3. Make sure you're getting on the right train (I'm looking at you, dolled-up teenage girls cackling in the front seat). Oops. You now have to get off at the first stop of this express train at Downers Grove Main Street and double back on the next inbound local train to Riverside.

4. Don't FaceTime. Just don't, or if you do, use earbuds.

That's my short list to cover today's summer tourists. Overall, just be aware. Aware of your surroundings, aware of others.

Snobby Cruise Planning on the Regular Train

Lady, if you are going to be this cranky and snobby when talking to your friend/significant other/whatever about how you want the grand-ultimate-all-inclusive-most-amazing-cruise-in-the-world, maybe you should not travel with other people/couples/whatever. 

You have indicated that it's not your fault "they don't drink" so you're "getting a drink package for yourself" and that you "want a certain level of luxury, so if they don't want to spend that much they can stay in an interior cabin." Wow. You know what? You should go alone. Completely alone. That way, nobody else can ruin your good time.

And you can't ruin theirs.

Gossips on the Morning Train

Okay - first no, it is not a late train. Got it.

Ladies, if you insist on carrying on the conversations of how everyone else you know is a bad mother, on drugs, a dead beat, stupid, unemployable, on the wrong side of politics, are all "screwed," etc., could you quiet it down?

Nice how you throw in that you didn't make it to church this weekend because you were so busy. Don't worry. I'll pray for you. I'll also pray that my own gossipy, judgey habits are dissolved. It's an ugly thing, and hearing someone else do it non-stop for an entire train ride is saddening and humbling.

People: be nice to each other. In public, in private, in front of each other, and behind each other.

So, the Blackhawks Lost, but...on the Late Train

So, I'm on the 11:40pm train. It's late. I don't have to work tomorrow, so it's cool.

The people on my car are NOT dissappointing... One ginger chick is leading us in chants:

"When I say black you say say Hawks!"

"When I say Corey you say Crawford."

"When I say ticket you say man!"

It's a great night on the late train, peeps.

Cinco de Mayo on the Late Train

So, I worked late. Then I missed a train by 30 seconds. Then I waited 40 minutes to board and 20 more minutes for the next train to leave the station. I decided to get something close to Mexican food: tortilla chips and guacamole.

Next, a weird guy sat in front of me, only after giving me a weird look. Dude. I'm eating chips and guacamole. It's like my favorite train snack, AND it's May 5. Leave me alone.

Then, two more dudes sat in front of him. The one facing us had on A FAKE MUSTACHE! No lie. We are 25 minutes into the ride, and he shows no signs of removing it!

What the what?!? 

What Is Going on Behind Me on the Late Train?

Peeps, best I can tell, the dude in the seat behind me is either:

A. Having a great time with an invisible partner. (His hands are visible.)

B. Suffering from a serious case of shortness of breath caused by barely making the train. (I'm not judging. I lose my breath trying to catch a train an average of once a week. However, I'm in the car farthest from the station entrance, which means he could have gotten into any of the six cars he passed before reaching this one.)

C. Peter Griffin after hurting his knee on The Family Guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buHv1EvUHj0&sns=em

Happy Monday!

Sleeping Seat Mate on the Late Train

You guys, I get it. It's the late train. Everybody just wants to get home, me included. 

Couple things:

1. There are PLENTY of seats on a late train. You could find a lone seat of you tried hard enough. 

2. If you do choose to sit with someone (someone who hoped for a seat all to herself), pick someone who has the same zone of ticket as you or further down the line. Don't pick someone who is in a zone two closer to Union Station than you. Now I have to interrupt you when we reach my stop.

3. Working on your laptop is fine. Falling asleep while working on your laptop, with you head bobbing and coming close to sleeping on the shoulder of your stranger of a seat mate is NOT FINE.  Wake up, lady!  Below, find said seat mate quite close to sleeping on my shoulder.

Calm on the Late Train

Kids, I leave for my biggest event of the year in ten days.

Am I working late? Definitely. Am I stressed? Of course. 

However, I feel oddly calm right now.

Maybe it's that I finally found my groove on this event after 3 years. Maybe it's that our team is rocking out the logistics and last-minute details. I can't say for sure. 

What I can say is this: despite the late nights on the train over the last few weeks, I think Chicago is still too cold for crazy shenanigans on the late train. Maybe the crazy, late-train stories will come in a month or two when spring finally decides to appear.

Sarcastic Looks to Drivers while Waiting for the Bus to the Early Train

Yes. Yes I did just stand next to a car parked in the bus lane with its blinkers on while alternating looking up at the "no parking - bus stop" sign and looking at the obnoxious driver blocking my bus. 

Yes. Yes I did walk a half-block to do that. 

This girl's gotta get to the train.

Don't get in my way (or in the way of my bus).

Too Tired on a Monday Late Train

Kids, I'm tired. Everyone else on this late train is tired. Nobody is excited or loud or obnoxious. 

Maybe it's because it's Monday. Maybe it's because it's the first Monday of Daylight Savings Time. Maybe it's still too cold for shenanigans. Maybe it's just because it's 10:45 pm.

Whatever the reason, it's quiet on the late train tonight.

Back in Time on the Regular Train

You guys! You are NOT going to believe this. I know I don't have photo evidence, but I swear this is happening right next to me!

The woman sitting in the seat with me is on her FLIP PHONE...as I am typing this post on my iPhone!

What?!? Flip phones are still a thing? For real?

Lazy Thoughts on the Way to the Train

So...I get it. Something out of place, something different. It can throw you off. Cause weird or bad decisions. 

But, listen. Let me give you some life-changing information. 

When an escalator is not running, you can still use it. It has merely changed from an automatic people mover into something that has existed for much longer:

STAIRS!!

They are now stairs, people. So, when you get to the top and they are not moving, that does not indicate you are required to move over one set to the moving escalator. It means YOU WALK DOWN THE STAIRS!

I normally would not call out this type of behavior, but it has happened every night this week!

Dreamy Thoughts on the Regular Train

I guess sleeping on the quiet car is to be expected. It's been a long, cold Tuesday. However, is snoring allowed? 

Poor guy sitting across from me on the upper level...he fell quickly to sleep. Then he proceeded to snore quietly. Then he snored louder. Then the fun happened.

The ticket taker started through our car. He got to the sleeping dude, and went through the steps:

1. "Ticket, please."

2. "Sir, ticket?"

3. Tap on the rail with the ticket punch, then "Sir! Ticket!"

The guy was startled awake, jumped out of his seat, looking down the row for whomever was talking. The ticket taker was waving his arms below and saying, "Down here. Sir, down here!" The guy finally figured out where he was and what was happening and showed his ticket.

He is now snoring again. I really hope he doesn't miss his stop. I can assure you, that is no fun. 

Image blurred for his protection: