Not-So-Muffled and Other Conversations on the Late Train

Hey. Dude.

Yes, you. The guy who is holding his hand over his mouth while talking full-volume to a friend on the phone. A couple things:

1. I can hear you. Every word. It just sounds like you are talking into a towel.

2. You are not as funny as you think.

3. Quit belching.

4. You are a jerk, using derogatory terms the likes of which I won't write...

In other news, whatever those teenage European tourists are talking about , I don't think they understand the English word they are pronouncing slowly.  In a similar fashion to Phoebe Buffay saying "Nes-tlay Tool-lhouse", they are saying "li-et bu-ulb."  It's a light bulb.  I don't know what they think they are saying, but it's entertaining.

Behind them is a guy conducting an international business conference call...and he is increasingly louder while trying to make his point that the specs have changed since last week.

Fun times tonight.  Fun times.

A Continuous Loop on the Morning Train

"Please take a few moments to familiarize yourself with the location of the emergency exits. Each half of the car is equipped with at least two emergency exit windows. Opening instructions are on each window. All cars are equipped with emergency lighting that will engage automatically if a power loss occurs."

I've heard that so many times since boarding the train ten minutes ago that I can assure you it is the exact language.  I think it's stuck on an endless loop...this is going to be a fun commute.

The Post That Started It All (from July 9, 2013)

I *love* the late trains.

There is a loud couple whose male half has "WHITE" tattooed down the back of his left arm and "POWER" down the right, and whose female half talks loudly on the phone and repeats the entire conversation after hanging up.

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train (from July 16, 2013)

Summer is awesome on the train. I really love working late and then listening to obnoxious, recently-graduated Naperville jocks who spent the day at the beaches in the city try to hit on girls. It is the best. They are totally going to fall in love and live happily ever after based on this chance meeting on the commuter train.

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train (from July 19, 2013)

How in the world did I end up in the same car as the intriguing and fascinating Southerners discussing a race horse with the same fervor as Chicagoans discussing the '85 Bears? Oh. Summer. Tourists. Right.

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train (from July 22, 2013)

Wow, has that guy who looks like Harvey Levin been staring at me the whole trip? Am I going to be on TMZ?

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train AND Cuteness Can Exist on the Late Train (from July 31, 2013)

Completely off track from what we all originally thought...Oh, I thought she would look different (speaking of the lady offending everyone around her while she imitated "some crazy black chick" yelling at her man on the phone "'Where you at?! You know I just got my hair did. I can't get my weave wet!")
Huh, she really must work at a cool place, since she is telling a story of teasing a coworker about "choking the chicken" while at Harold's Chicken, and "oh, you know the fat girl loves her cupcakes." She seems like a great gal. I bet she has lots of friends.

Later: a child on a sugar high.  He is so adorable with the "what is happening here?" and the "why do people keep getting off the train? Huh? Huh? Huh?" and the "peek-a-boo" over the top of the seat.

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train (from August 12, 2013)

That is some 'business meeting'. The two guys in matching purple polo shirts just keep looking at each other scratching their heads as the guy across from them in red goes on and on about things, all whilst guzzling his fine beverage from The Snuggery. He's got business acumen, that one.

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Later-than-Usual-but-Not-Too-Late Train (from August 13, 2013)

No, lady screaming to your coworker in the seat across from you, I don't think the bar you just came from was too loud. I think you should have stayed for another round.

And then:
Those two kids talking about the periodic table and changing the makeup of certain elements in said table to create new ways to make money out of thin air are going to change the world. Just as soon as they graduate high school. 

Meanwhile:
That lady with the giant artwork seems shady. Was a museum robbed today?

And, lastly:
I think that conductor is seriously going to escort me off the train due to the egregious offense for which he called me out...empty cupcake holder!

Stuff You Don't Usually See at the Train Station (from August 14, 2013)

Dude, if you have to show up at the train station with a bouquet of flowers, she is probably still mad. Especially based on her reaction.

Oh, That's the Connection (from August 21, 2013)

So, what do those 5 high-school-age girls have in common? A hippie, a preppie, a dreamer, a drama queen, and a gossip.

After hearing, "She will totally make varsity without even trying. She has been playing soccer since she was 3," I realized they are on a soccer team together. Oh, that's the connection.

Music on the Late Train (from August 28, 2013)

Kids, this screen shot is all you need for tonight's Story from the Late Train. Welcome to high school nostalgia at its finest for this author! Oh, OCCHS basketball, how I miss you.

Grammar so Poor It Must Be a New Language on the Late Train (from September 3, 2013)

My head was spinning when I heard the following: "Your daughter said something outta pocket to my niece at the day care and it needs be docutated. Don't mess wit my baby. Oh, I got you some popcorns. Whatchu want me do wit it?"

Random Thoughts on the Late Train (from September 30, 2013)

If those three Indian guys think the food is spicy at the restaurant of which they are speaking, I am NOT eating there.

Ponderings from a Twenty-Year Reunion (from October 12, 2013)

We still don't go to the dance floor willingly...even after 20 years.

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train...and Additional Thoughts on the Late Train (from October 21, 2013)

I must seem really approachable since that lady decided to sit next to me instead of any of the 30 other people sitting alone on this car. Meanwhile, that other lady needs to suck it up and make someone move his or her stuff so she can sit down instead of throwing a temper tantrum the likes of which my 4-year-old goddaughter would despise.

Additionally:

If your MONDAY was so bad that you are sharing 40s and conversation in the train car vestibule, maybe you all should have extended your weekend by a day.

Worrisome Thoughts on the Bus to the Late Train (from October 28, 2013)

I sure hope this *maybe* 8-year-old just chose to sit apart from his parent(s) and is not actually on the bus in downtown Chicago alone at 8 pm. I am inclined to ask...

Much later...Cool - he was with his mom...

Sarcastic Thoughts on What Should Have Been an Early Train (from October 29, 2013)

Today whilst looking out the window of her stopped-between-stations train, I spotted a volleyball with a hand-painted cartoon spider.  Is that supposed to be a Halloween decoration? Where only a stopped-train passenger would see it? Oh! We're moving! Oh. We're stopped. (Repeat several times). Is this a haunted commuter train? I want my money back. And a picture of that volleyball.

Guessing the Things Other Peole Are Seeing on the Not-Too-Late Traing (from November 18, 2013)

The lady in the rear-facing seat didn't expect a guy to sit next to her, also facing the rear of the train, but clearly his perusal of a web search for 'how to eat a salad on a train' made her cringe.

A little later: His aromatic salad is blessing the nostrils of the whole car.

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Morning Traing (from November 26, 2013)

It's so nice that the lady in the seat directly behind me let her friend on the phone know that she might not come over tomorrow because she is still sick and doesn't want to pass it on to her. Oh. Wait.

Are You Kidding Me with This? on the Early Train Home (from November 27, 2013)

Are you kidding me with this? A game of 'truth or truth' between two college girls who have already discussed how their parents were so neglectful while they were growing up because they traveled all over the globe with them? Are you kidding me with this? Detailed answers to detailed questions that are best shared in private, not with 100 of your closest train friends. Are you kidding me with this? *Sigh* I appreciate the lessons I learned growing up.

Sarastic Thoughts on the Late Train (from December 10, 2013)

Huh, okay. It's now acceptable to belch loudly in public, right into the ear of the person sitting in front of you on a commuter train? Well, it's not the quiet car, so I guess that's okay...wow, that guy had onions for lunch.

Sarcast Thoughts on the Late Train (from December 19, 2013)

Wow, that lady is angry. A nice young lady asked, "Do you mind if I sit here?" The screamed response from the angry lady was, "I DON'T OWN THE TRAIN DO I? JESUS."  I will miss the train over the next week...

All is Quiet on the Late Train

Kids, it's been a quiet trip home on the late train tonight. 

I did manage to chat up a train cop I happen to know outside my commuter life...that was the highlight of the trip tonight!

Happy Hump Day!

Oh, and for those of you who have been waiting for it, I finally turned this into a blog...I even pulled some of the Facebook archives over.  Enjoy!

Kids on the Late Train (from July 31, 2013)

An over-sugared child, maybe 4 years old, just popped up from a seat a few up from mine and declared, "I have magic powers!"

Things You Don't Expect on the Morning Commute (from September 18, 2013)

These, with a proper business suit:

Random Thoughts on the Late Train (from October 28, 2013)

Oh, I was singing Aerosmith out loud, wasn't I?

Appreciative Thoughts on the Late Ride Home (from December 13, 2013)

I am one lucky girl to have a husband who will come all the way to the city to pick me up so I didn't have to ride the late train home on a Friday night.

Smelly Thoughts on the Late Train (from January 8, 2014)

How many different food aromas can be mingled in one train car? Onions, McDonald's fries, curry, BBQ sauce, mustard, and something else... Black pepper? Something burnt? Blackened? I just can't tell. I guess I'm not as congested as I thought, though. All those scents were crazy strong.

It Wasn't Supposed to Be a Late Train (from January 14, 2014)

I suppose we, the husband and I, should have guessed that if all the trains were delayed leaving Union Station, then of course all the train-crossing gates through the town in which he works would be down to accommodate the late trains, therefore causing him to be stuck in one place whilst I am rapidly being hurled toward another place. Dear, dinner will be late tonight. Thanks, Metra.

Nothin' on the Late Train (from January 28, 2014)

Kids, when it's cold out, nobody acts a fool on the train...I got nothin'.

Pay-It-Forward Thoughts on the Late Train (from February 5, 2014)

It is nice to see helpful people... I was more than happy to help a nice lady figure out which train she needed and walk with her since we were going the same way. I was pleased when someone else offered to help me help her get her bags on the train.  #payitforward, peeps.

Really??? on the Late Train (from February 7, 2014)

Okay, drunk guy...there are 19 empty sets of seats on this car, and one seat occupied by yours truly. Where are you going to sit? Oh, across the aisle from me? Okay Brett-Michaels-look-alike, go ahead...

Later that same ride...

So, drunk guy passed out. Conductors had train cop come wake him up. Found his ticket after several minutes. Said he was going to the next stop. Headed to the next car at the stop. Train cop stopped him and said he was going the wrong way. Made him get off the train.  Drunk guy asked, "Are you serious?" Train cop assured him, yes, he was serious.

Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train (from February 10, 2014)

Okay, I checked. I am NOT Marty McFly, and I did NOT travel back in time.

 

The guy behind me really did just explain to his friend of the phone about email phishing ('that's not regular fishing, it's spelled p-h-i-s-h') and how he thinks that a fake law firm is contacting him about an unpaid bil...l.

 

He then tested every ring tone on his flip phone. I forget sometimes that there are people not quite with some of us, technologically speaking, in the 21st Century...

 

New topic: I am really glad not to be wearing all those neon/metallic clothes from Back to the Future...

 

New topic: I did like neon clothes in the 80s. I miss my leg warmers.

This post brought to you by Train of Consciousness...